All for Nothing

Fresh off the back of our first glorious victory, we had no time to savour its sweet taste as the biggest game of our season loomed large on the horizon: a relegation six pointer against last placed Spoons FC. Despite our previous woes, this was the first fixture we were confident of winning. The Durties had been on a continuous upward curve since our mauling in Gameweek 1 and now that we had all had a nibble of that winning feeling we were hungry for another bite (as long as it wasn't derived from animals). Our captain and resident Gerrard fanatic Scott Martin had words of caution for the squad, admonishing us to keep our intensity levels as high as last week and to not slip up as per his idol. We all wanted to achieve our aim of finishing the blog and the halfway point of the season on as high a note as possible, with us well on track to achieve our end of season targets of not finishing last and getting more points on the board than Dundee will this season. In dangerously upbea...

3 opponents faced. 3 losses. Needless to say, morale was beginning to dip in the Durty camp but the season showed no sign of relenting as our next clash pitted us against the crappily named but 2nd placed GUT Kick. The squad was agitated in the week building up to our next game-Bycroft wouldn't emerge from the steam room, Ian Robinson had made his move to Canada permanent, and Janek was devouring broccoli at an alarming rate. Something had to be done to steady the (rapidly sinking) ship, and that's how I found myself (very reluctantly) joining Bycroft in his palace of warmth and vapour on the Monday afternoon before the game for a crisis meeting. I cannot and will never reveal what happened during the 30 minutes we spent together in that room, but it provided an extremely cathartic experience as well as providing loose muscles and clean pores, and we emerged raring to go. In true Durty fashion, however, circumstances moved against us before the game had even began. We could on...

Apprehension was beginning to replace excitement as our pre match build up mood, although this week we felt we were in with a shout of a result against Ji Sung Park the Bus thanks to their iffy record so far (a narrow win and a forfeit) and Janek returning from his soul searching soya sabbatical. His flatmate and our fellow Durty Matthew Bycroft-a dubious character, *that* person in the friend group that pauses Fifa when his opponent is through on goal-proposed a team trip to the newly opened Strathsport steam room for a spot of team exfoliation and bonding. His eager pitch was extremely off-putting, and consequently he steamed alone. Monday reared its ugly head and we were determined to put to rest Gary Lineker's adage of '5-a-side is a simple game. 10 men chase a ball for 60 minutes and at the end, the Durties always lose'. We would continue with our much improved set up and box formation that bore fruit at both ends of the pitch, although we would be rotating in goal as...

Wounds licked and hard truths laid bare on the table, the Durties regrouped after our mauling at the hands of the early league leaders and title rivals the Baku Boys. Iain Macleod, he of lanky frame and (recently recovered) dislocated knee, proposed homework for us all; as a result, 5-a-side articles were pored over and tactics videos studied. Consequently, we had some semblance of a structure going into gameweek 2 against the Bamboo obsessed Disco Badgers. We had leaked 33 goals the previous week: we decided to create a dam of 2 Durties, who would be back at all times, with 2 up top-a box formation. A blow was received on the morning of matchday however, as our highest profile vegan-Janek (he had a brief stint in the Strathclyde 3's)-pulled out due to a combination of PTSD from last week's horror show and meat deprivation. An emergency loan signing was granted by the SFA: enter Gonzalo, a product of La Masia, but like Iain was practically one-legged due to his rehab pr...

It started off as an idea. A suggestion in the group chat. The pastime of many a group of pals that don't really have much to do with their leisure time: a 5-a-side football team. As it was put forward in the Strathclyde Tennis Facebook group, a rag tag team of enthusiastic but inexperienced 5-asiders were assembled and consensually anointed Graeme Murty's Durties. A streaming giant - that will remain un-named - was contacted to provide this exclusive behind the scenes look at a potentially history defining season from the Durties. This blog - All for Nothing - is the result of their endorsement, and I hope it will provide a satisfying and enjoyable carriage on the rollercoaster that our season is already turning into. Game 1 is probably the best place to start, but for us it couldn't have provided a more formidable challenge. We kicked off our campaign against the best team in the league, the Baku Boys, who boasted an embarrassment of riches all over the park-a couple...