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The Dirty Spoon


Fresh off the back of our first glorious victory, we had no time to savour its sweet taste as the biggest game of our season loomed large on the horizon: a relegation six pointer against last placed Spoons FC. Despite our previous woes, this was the first fixture we were confident of winning. The Durties had been on a continuous upward curve since our mauling in Gameweek 1 and now that we had all had a nibble of that winning feeling we were hungry for another bite (as long as it wasn't derived from animals). Our captain and resident Gerrard fanatic Scott Martin had words of caution for the squad, admonishing us to keep our intensity levels as high as last week and to not slip up as per his idol. We all wanted to achieve our aim of finishing the blog and the halfway point of the season on as high a note as possible, with us well on track to achieve our end of season targets of not finishing last and getting more points on the board than Dundee will this season. In dangerously upbeat mood, we lazied our way over to Powerleague, already picturing the high scoring win against Spoons that inevitably didn't follow.


From minute 1 they made their scrappy intentions known, hacking at Janek, Scott, Bycroft-the whole squad-but especially me, which probably had something to do with my cynical foul early doors on their equivalent of the Brazilian. He was far less talented but still had the tools to dismantle the Durty defence-my long range deflected shot that traditionally opened our account never materialised and he seized on our laxness; we were swiftly 3-0 down. Our venture into dire straights woke us all up, with Janek especially taking the bull by the horns. Wrestling matters into his own hands, he man marked the pound shop Brazilian out of the game for the rest of the match. We restored parity quickly and Spoons FC, with their only route to victory blocked by an enraged vegan, resorted to the dark arts. Based on their previous results they had obviously decided that they couldn't win at football, so had resorted to pure undiluted bastardry, which peaked when one Spoon came in high and two footed at me long after the ball had gone. Stevie Wonder could see that it was a stonewall red, but our lack of referee made it difficult for this punishment to be enforced. Said Spoon apologised but with no real conviction, and the Durties had a few choice words with the guilty Spoon. This trend continued for the rest of the match-challenges raining in with only small outbreaks of football-but we were nudging ahead in the scrap. Eventually we were 15-11 up and 5 minutes from time, victory assured and 2 wins in 2 all but in the bag, when the same dirty Spoon struck out at me again with an equally horrendous challenge. Tempers flared and the match ended on an ugly note, but Spoons FC were sent packing back to the Counting House and we had put another 3 points on the board, signalling our progression as a squad in the past 5 weeks.
This is the end of All for Nothing's look inside Graeme Murty's Durties. We unfortunately couldn't afford to pay a certain streaming giant for the whole season but I hope you've enjoyed reading the blog as much as I've enjoyed writing it, our next match is against the Baku Boys again so you thankfully won't get to find out how that goes. Let the Durty revolution roll on.

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